To My Non-Christian Friends

You ever have one of those days where no matter what you do right, you do something wrong?

I’ve had one of those weeks.

I am a Clinical Research Coordinator. More or less that means I am in charge of running a physician’s clinical trials. I work with cancer patients that have gastro-intestinal cancer -anything from the throat to the anus, with a few stops along the way, is my area. My day to day can range from seeing patients alongside an Oncologist, to running blood tubes to various labs, to completing hours and hours of paperwork on everything that occurred during a patient’s visit.

Technically the physician is in charge of and responsible for everything that goes on as part of their trial -as the pharmaceutical companies like to say, “pretty much, if anything goes wrong, it’s your fault”. But, if you’ve ever been someone’s assistant you know the real truth. In public, they take the fall for the mistake, but the hammer always comes back to the assistant.

This is a job where people take patients whose bodies are actively betraying them and trying to set that to a strict schedule. Needless to say things go wrong. To make matters worse, in a job that is so focused on everything going according to plan, every move is documented, stored, and gone through at least a dozen times. We have actual lists of the mistakes we make that go on permanent record for years. That means I am accountable for mistakes I made years ago, and they can be dug up and interrogated at any time. It doesn’t matter if I have learned from them, grown through them -the North remembers (a bit of Game of Thrones humor for you).

Don’t get me wrong, I love my job, it is interesting, exciting, challenging, and honestly helps improves the lives of people around me. But it brings out the perfectionist in me. Not the I can do everything right perfectionist, but the no mistake for any reason is acceptable perfectionist.

See truthfully I don’t need too much help to find my faults. I have a list in the back of my mind, right next to the voices. Sure I have moments where I know full well my strengths, or moments where I get cocky. But I’m always very aware of the fact that I’m not perfect. At times it is a weight that drags me down. Sometimes it is something I try to overcome. Other times it is something I try desperately to hide. But rarely is it something I am able to just accept.

Anyone else out there with me? Anyone out there know they aren’t perfect, know they make mistakes, fall short of their own standards, and do their best to sweep the worst of it under the rug? There is a thousand ways I could explain it; and another couple hundred ways that we all deal with it, but if you have ever felt that way, hopefully you understand what I’m getting at.

I was having one of the crappier days of my week yesterday; it was a day where I was both handling a tough situation that was not at all my fault -really winning in terms of my coordinatorness, but I was also stuck staring at the dozens of ways that I could have prevented the sitaution -if I had bit a bit more on top of things, if I had seen everything that could have happened, if I had been perfect. In the middle of some seething anger, muttered curses, and mild panic, it hit me.

It would be really amazing to have someone fully see my situation, the things I’ve done right, the ways I could have been better, the mistakes I actually made – actually see all of those, and say it was okay. Not make excuses for them, like I so often do, but FORGIVE them. The most amazing feeling I can possibly think of, to be fully known, have someone admit that they see your faults, and not hold them against you.

As a Christian there are so many times when I get wrapped up in the fact that I should do a morning devotion instead of sleep longer or watch TV. Or I should pray more, or volunteer. There are times when I worry about which side of the political monster I fall on and if I’ve really given the other side enough consideration. There are times I worry about the mistakes I make, and how I need to do better. But at the heart of it all of that is missing the point.

If you took the time to read this far I thank you; I promise I’m about to make my point.

I have 3 words tattooed on my body. Down my ribs in an anagram -meaning it reads as one word going up, and a different word going down – of the words Sinner and Saint. The third word is on a banner hanging over a cross on my arm. The banner says Forgiven.

You don’t have to be clean or good enough to be a Christian

Behind all the political rants; the republican, democrat, abortion, immigration noise – behind all of that, these three words really sum up what it means to be a Christian. So, if you are not a Christ follower, a Jesus freak, or a church goer, I want someone at least to tell you this much. You don’t have to be clean or good enough to be a Christian – in fact, we took a vote a long time ago and those people didn’t make the cut. The truth is that you don’t make the cut. If you don’t lie to yourself you know that; God know that, but he forgives you for it – or he will if you ask for it. The other thing you need to know is that all of us Christians, we are works in progress. We’ve opened ourselves up to letting God work on us, but we are stuck in the middle. We are both Sinners and Saints. We know the good we should do, but we don’t always do it. So please don’t ignore our mistakes, but forgive them. We aren’t perfect, and that is a good thing. And if you are a Jesus follower, chances are that every now and then you forget this little fact. Take a moment to remember it. Let your guard down, admit you aren’t perfect, and know you are loved by someone who sees you more clearly than you see yourself.

If you find yourself sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. If you find yourself all too aware of your imperfections, I would invite you to consider God. Not because you are good enough to make the cut, but because he loves you anyway, and because it is truly awesome to know you are loved while also being truly seen for who you are. There is nothing better.

The Christianese Bulls-*hem* Jargon

Jargon: special words or expressions that are used by a particular profession or group and are difficult for others to understand.

I work with Oncologists- cancer doctors; people who are wickedly smart and have such specialized knowledge that sometimes I start a conversation drowning. In addition to knowing ten times more about the human body than I ever will, I also struggle at times to simply follow what they are even saying. Doctors are notorious for jargon, abbreviations, and acronyms. My god the sheer acronyms that I have to deal with.

CBC, CMP,  HCC, AE, SAE, DLT, HRPO, PCP, HIPAA, PO – just to name a few off the top of my head.

That doesn’t even begin to cover the actual jargon; words like edema, dysphagia, dyspnea, emesis, peripheral, palliative.

There is good reason for it. The use of jargon and acronyms saves time and often allows physicians to be incredibly specific about symptoms, treatments, and body parts. It allows them to quickly and effectively communicate with other people who speak the same language. It lets them do their job.

But then they talk to patients.

Some physicians are great at translating their jargon into normal talk. Others… let’s say that just watching is a bit painful. Sometimes they take all of that knowledge, all of those specific terms and helpful words, and it is delivered like blunt force trauma from a roughly cylindrical object, causing contusions and lacerations to the posterior of the subject’s skull (it hits the patient over the back of the head like a baseball bat).

So why am I telling you this? Why should you care, other than to laugh or cringe based on your own experiences? Well, because religious people are just as guilty of this 90% of the time. Except, while doctors are able to use their specific language to talk quickly and specifically about a situation, religious jargon often clouds the situation with familiar feel good fluff.

Ever sat in a church and heard someone talk about handing a situation over to God? Ever heard a Christian mention a tough time and say they were “relying on His strength”? How about walking with the Lord? Waiting on the God’s time? Hearing God speak or feeling the Spirit move?

Am I the only one who has ever heard that and asked what the hell does that even mean?

Sometimes the jargon isn’t an effective way of communicating. Sometimes it is just the automatic Christianese reply. The feel good fluff that sounds nice but means little.

Don’t get me wrong. I grew up in the church. For the most part I can translate these words and phrases from Christianese into actual English. But, most of the times jargon isn’t an effective way of communicating. Not for us normal folk. Sometimes it is just the automatic feel good reply. The fluff that sounds nice but means little.

My wife and I went through a crisis a few years back. Read my earlier posts or private message me if you want to know more about that. While we were going through it several people gave us the advice to rely on His (God’s) strength. And I tried. I really did. But when I was stressed, and tired, and frustrated, I often came back to the fact that this wasn’t something I could physically do.

Maybe you’ve been there? Maybe you’ve tried to “turn to God” but all of the spiritual fluff is clogging the way so you can’t actually understand what God even wants you to do.

Ever been there? Is that you now? Well, here is my interpretation of some of the more fluffy things that we Christians say. Just a disclaimer, I don’t have it all figured out, so some of this is just my best explanation. Also, if you have it all figured out, comment below and help the rest of us, or feel free to add something if I left it out.

 

• Handing Something Over to God- Relying on God- Or letting go and letting God.

There are a lot of different ways to express this one. I have probably used all of the above and more. But while the words can vary, the general sentiment is the same. And, while this is one of the most common phrases, it is also the worst in terms of actual application or understanding.

What we mean: What we typically mean when we say some version of the above, is that we aren’t able to do or handle something on our own because we are human. We can say this when trying to be a patient and kind human being during St. Louis rush hour (that alone should come with a sainthood), or when we are trying to keep it together in the face of tragedy. Basically this one gets used any time that we know the standard is higher than what we, as a broken human being, can manage.

What this actually looks like: So disclaimer, I’m not great at this, but this is what it boils down to. In some way, shape, or form, we let go. It can be a prayer where we simply say, “God, I can’t do this alone, please give me strength.” Or it can be an actual act where we stop trying to control the millions of pieces and simply allow ourselves to be human and imperfect. That’s about as concrete as I can get. And it is hard to fully explain because it relies on the actuality that there is someone on the other side of my prayers. Right? If I’m just sending out positive vibes this is a very newagey feel goody type of fluff. But, if God exists and is listening, that what I am doing is asking for, and relying on, His help- which is a very real and often the only fix to my problems.That may not have cleared much up, so just think of what you would do if you were in a bind and were relying on another person. You would stop trying to control everything, fix everything, and anxiously ponder every horrible outcome. You would step back and let them do their job. This is doing that, but with God.

• Feeling the Spirit Move- Hearing God Speak

If there is an area where Christians sound like they need to be committed, where we sound particularly like a cult, this is it. I’ve been binge watching “House” recently, and in an episode Hugh Laurie’s character stated “…you talk to God, you’re religious. God talks to you — you’re psychotic.” But Christians claim to “Feel the Spirit Move”, “Hear God speak” or somehow communicate with him all the time. So are we crazy? If not what are we saying?

What we mean: When a Christian states that they felt God talking to them, or heard God, it is incredible rare for them to mean they actually heard an audible voice. Instead, this is usually a way for them to state that they are convinced that God is communicating with them in a variety of ways. I try to avoid this type of phrasing as much as possible, instead talking about how I see God moving, or stating that I am convinced he is saying this, that, or the other. This area of communication is often very subjective and it is incredible easy for hopes, dreams, or emotions to shadow what God is actually saying, either by being mistaken for God’s will, or by combating the actual message he is sending. From my own experience I have found that it is often best to critically think about what is being said, test it against the Bible, pray, and often consult others for wisdom.

So, in a nutshell, the basic gist is this: due to circumstances or emotions, we feel that God is giving us an answer to a question, or guiding us in a certain direction.

What it actually looks like: There is a wide range here. Some people claim (and some I am sure actually have) heard an audible voice from God. I would say this is very rare and extremely unlikely. Others describe it as a feeling or emotional certainty. Sometimes it is a set of circumstances lining up in such a way that we are certain it was God pointing us in a specific direction. Sometimes this is extremely obvious and specific, missing only the neon signs pointing the way. Other times this is as faint as a whisper, easily missed if you aren’t paying the closest of attention. It is often extremely easy for emotions to get in the way, causing us to doubt what God is saying, or causing us to feel God is pointing us in the direction that we already want to go. Whole books have been written on this topic, and as a general rule of thumb it is best to tread lightly and cautiously. Often times it is far too easy to hear your own emotions and say “God was speaking”. On the other hand though, it can be just as bad to never listen for him.

• Getting Saved – Finding Jesus

I once saw a “Where’s Waldo” book where someone had Photo-shopped in Jesus for Waldo. Thus, they were finally able to answer the age old question and state that they had indeed “found” Jesus. I don’t know if Christian lingo has upgraded throughout the years, I really hope so, but that was the question to ask when I was growing up. Have you found Jesus? The question in second place was “Are you saved?” Most people probably understood that this was a round about way of asking if someone was a Christian; but I’m not sure how many people understood why the questions were phrased that way.

What we mean: I think most everyone can understand that these questions are asking if someone is a Christian. What that really means is a bit more vague.

What it actually looks like: At the center of the Christianity is the belief that we have all fallen prey to Sin – an intentional missing of God’s perfect way. We have all lied, cheated, stolen, hated, lusted, the list goes on. Because of that we are rebellious criminals who deserve a punishment. Thus, we need saving. Jesus came to earth, lived a perfect life, and died to be a substitute for our punishment. Thus the questions.

Are you saved? – Have you accepted Jesus’s sacrifice for you and declared that you want to follow Him and His ways?

Have you found Jesus? – He often described himself as a Path or a Door. We as humans often feel like something is missing, some vital aspect of our lives, something that needs to be filled. Have you found Jesus? asks if we have found that perfect fulfillment and true source of life.

 

There are many more odd phrases and automatic Chistianese responses that you can find in the Church. For brevity’s sake I only included what I considered to be the top 3. Hopefully this helps some. Still, there are bound to be more. So, the next time you are listening to someone and they say something that sounds nice, but causes you to pause and ask what does that even mean; or if you are a church person and you find yourself vomiting “spiritual” words, stop and ask what is actually meant there. Let’s stop smiling and nodding and actually communicate. Maybe if we cut out a bit of the fluff we can sound a bit less spiritual and actually be a bit more spiritual.