The Christianese Bulls-*hem* Jargon

Jargon: special words or expressions that are used by a particular profession or group and are difficult for others to understand.

I work with Oncologists- cancer doctors; people who are wickedly smart and have such specialized knowledge that sometimes I start a conversation drowning. In addition to knowing ten times more about the human body than I ever will, I also struggle at times to simply follow what they are even saying. Doctors are notorious for jargon, abbreviations, and acronyms. My god the sheer acronyms that I have to deal with.

CBC, CMP,  HCC, AE, SAE, DLT, HRPO, PCP, HIPAA, PO – just to name a few off the top of my head.

That doesn’t even begin to cover the actual jargon; words like edema, dysphagia, dyspnea, emesis, peripheral, palliative.

There is good reason for it. The use of jargon and acronyms saves time and often allows physicians to be incredibly specific about symptoms, treatments, and body parts. It allows them to quickly and effectively communicate with other people who speak the same language. It lets them do their job.

But then they talk to patients.

Some physicians are great at translating their jargon into normal talk. Others… let’s say that just watching is a bit painful. Sometimes they take all of that knowledge, all of those specific terms and helpful words, and it is delivered like blunt force trauma from a roughly cylindrical object, causing contusions and lacerations to the posterior of the subject’s skull (it hits the patient over the back of the head like a baseball bat).

So why am I telling you this? Why should you care, other than to laugh or cringe based on your own experiences? Well, because religious people are just as guilty of this 90% of the time. Except, while doctors are able to use their specific language to talk quickly and specifically about a situation, religious jargon often clouds the situation with familiar feel good fluff.

Ever sat in a church and heard someone talk about handing a situation over to God? Ever heard a Christian mention a tough time and say they were “relying on His strength”? How about walking with the Lord? Waiting on the God’s time? Hearing God speak or feeling the Spirit move?

Am I the only one who has ever heard that and asked what the hell does that even mean?

Sometimes the jargon isn’t an effective way of communicating. Sometimes it is just the automatic Christianese reply. The feel good fluff that sounds nice but means little.

Don’t get me wrong. I grew up in the church. For the most part I can translate these words and phrases from Christianese into actual English. But, most of the times jargon isn’t an effective way of communicating. Not for us normal folk. Sometimes it is just the automatic feel good reply. The fluff that sounds nice but means little.

My wife and I went through a crisis a few years back. Read my earlier posts or private message me if you want to know more about that. While we were going through it several people gave us the advice to rely on His (God’s) strength. And I tried. I really did. But when I was stressed, and tired, and frustrated, I often came back to the fact that this wasn’t something I could physically do.

Maybe you’ve been there? Maybe you’ve tried to “turn to God” but all of the spiritual fluff is clogging the way so you can’t actually understand what God even wants you to do.

Ever been there? Is that you now? Well, here is my interpretation of some of the more fluffy things that we Christians say. Just a disclaimer, I don’t have it all figured out, so some of this is just my best explanation. Also, if you have it all figured out, comment below and help the rest of us, or feel free to add something if I left it out.

 

• Handing Something Over to God- Relying on God- Or letting go and letting God.

There are a lot of different ways to express this one. I have probably used all of the above and more. But while the words can vary, the general sentiment is the same. And, while this is one of the most common phrases, it is also the worst in terms of actual application or understanding.

What we mean: What we typically mean when we say some version of the above, is that we aren’t able to do or handle something on our own because we are human. We can say this when trying to be a patient and kind human being during St. Louis rush hour (that alone should come with a sainthood), or when we are trying to keep it together in the face of tragedy. Basically this one gets used any time that we know the standard is higher than what we, as a broken human being, can manage.

What this actually looks like: So disclaimer, I’m not great at this, but this is what it boils down to. In some way, shape, or form, we let go. It can be a prayer where we simply say, “God, I can’t do this alone, please give me strength.” Or it can be an actual act where we stop trying to control the millions of pieces and simply allow ourselves to be human and imperfect. That’s about as concrete as I can get. And it is hard to fully explain because it relies on the actuality that there is someone on the other side of my prayers. Right? If I’m just sending out positive vibes this is a very newagey feel goody type of fluff. But, if God exists and is listening, that what I am doing is asking for, and relying on, His help- which is a very real and often the only fix to my problems.That may not have cleared much up, so just think of what you would do if you were in a bind and were relying on another person. You would stop trying to control everything, fix everything, and anxiously ponder every horrible outcome. You would step back and let them do their job. This is doing that, but with God.

• Feeling the Spirit Move- Hearing God Speak

If there is an area where Christians sound like they need to be committed, where we sound particularly like a cult, this is it. I’ve been binge watching “House” recently, and in an episode Hugh Laurie’s character stated “…you talk to God, you’re religious. God talks to you — you’re psychotic.” But Christians claim to “Feel the Spirit Move”, “Hear God speak” or somehow communicate with him all the time. So are we crazy? If not what are we saying?

What we mean: When a Christian states that they felt God talking to them, or heard God, it is incredible rare for them to mean they actually heard an audible voice. Instead, this is usually a way for them to state that they are convinced that God is communicating with them in a variety of ways. I try to avoid this type of phrasing as much as possible, instead talking about how I see God moving, or stating that I am convinced he is saying this, that, or the other. This area of communication is often very subjective and it is incredible easy for hopes, dreams, or emotions to shadow what God is actually saying, either by being mistaken for God’s will, or by combating the actual message he is sending. From my own experience I have found that it is often best to critically think about what is being said, test it against the Bible, pray, and often consult others for wisdom.

So, in a nutshell, the basic gist is this: due to circumstances or emotions, we feel that God is giving us an answer to a question, or guiding us in a certain direction.

What it actually looks like: There is a wide range here. Some people claim (and some I am sure actually have) heard an audible voice from God. I would say this is very rare and extremely unlikely. Others describe it as a feeling or emotional certainty. Sometimes it is a set of circumstances lining up in such a way that we are certain it was God pointing us in a specific direction. Sometimes this is extremely obvious and specific, missing only the neon signs pointing the way. Other times this is as faint as a whisper, easily missed if you aren’t paying the closest of attention. It is often extremely easy for emotions to get in the way, causing us to doubt what God is saying, or causing us to feel God is pointing us in the direction that we already want to go. Whole books have been written on this topic, and as a general rule of thumb it is best to tread lightly and cautiously. Often times it is far too easy to hear your own emotions and say “God was speaking”. On the other hand though, it can be just as bad to never listen for him.

• Getting Saved – Finding Jesus

I once saw a “Where’s Waldo” book where someone had Photo-shopped in Jesus for Waldo. Thus, they were finally able to answer the age old question and state that they had indeed “found” Jesus. I don’t know if Christian lingo has upgraded throughout the years, I really hope so, but that was the question to ask when I was growing up. Have you found Jesus? The question in second place was “Are you saved?” Most people probably understood that this was a round about way of asking if someone was a Christian; but I’m not sure how many people understood why the questions were phrased that way.

What we mean: I think most everyone can understand that these questions are asking if someone is a Christian. What that really means is a bit more vague.

What it actually looks like: At the center of the Christianity is the belief that we have all fallen prey to Sin – an intentional missing of God’s perfect way. We have all lied, cheated, stolen, hated, lusted, the list goes on. Because of that we are rebellious criminals who deserve a punishment. Thus, we need saving. Jesus came to earth, lived a perfect life, and died to be a substitute for our punishment. Thus the questions.

Are you saved? – Have you accepted Jesus’s sacrifice for you and declared that you want to follow Him and His ways?

Have you found Jesus? – He often described himself as a Path or a Door. We as humans often feel like something is missing, some vital aspect of our lives, something that needs to be filled. Have you found Jesus? asks if we have found that perfect fulfillment and true source of life.

 

There are many more odd phrases and automatic Chistianese responses that you can find in the Church. For brevity’s sake I only included what I considered to be the top 3. Hopefully this helps some. Still, there are bound to be more. So, the next time you are listening to someone and they say something that sounds nice, but causes you to pause and ask what does that even mean; or if you are a church person and you find yourself vomiting “spiritual” words, stop and ask what is actually meant there. Let’s stop smiling and nodding and actually communicate. Maybe if we cut out a bit of the fluff we can sound a bit less spiritual and actually be a bit more spiritual.

Do No Harm

It was a cold, windy night. The type of night that arms the breeze with daggers which pierce through coats like paper. I shivered as I stood outside, pumping gas into my car. My son was in his car seat making faces at me; my wife was inside the gas station grabbing something warm to drink.

Just barely registering over the mind numbing cold, I saw a man walking across the parking lot towards me. He got to the hood of my car and said hello. I responded in kind. Then he proceeded to explain his situation to me. He was traveling back home for the holidays with his family and had a flat. He needed money to fix it and get back home to Colorado. Before I could say anything he apologized for bothering me and began to offer me various contents in his car as collateral.

I stood there, in the merciless icy wind, weighing my options. It took only a moment. I opened my mouth, apologized, and said no.

I had my reasons. It was the day after Christmas, meaning I had already spent a ton of money on gifts, food, and travel. In addition to that my furnace had broken down a little over a week prior, leaving me with a decent sized, rather unexpected, bill just before the holidays. Technically I could have spared the money he asked me for, it would have hurt sure but I wouldn’t have gone hungry over it, but I had a family to think of too. Was giving away that money really in their best interest?

There was more to my denial than just not wanting to part with the money though. This wasn’t the first time I’d been stopped and asked for cash, not even close. Sometimes I gave, sometimes I didn’t. Several times though, I’d been burned. It happened after giving someone cash for food outside a grocery store, then later seeing them walk out of the same store with Vodka. Or when someone claimed he only needed twelve dollars for the bus, but then moved right on to the next car to ask for more, despite my giving him a twenty.

I’d seen that type of abuse from the other side too. I used to work in a state funded substance abuse clinic. Time and time again we would have patients who were able to get drugs or alcohol after begging for money on the streets.

Not everyone with a sign on the side of the road is lying. But how do you know?

I’m sure some of this sounds rather jaded, or even somewhat cliche’. After all, some of the people asking for money honestly need it. Not everyone with a sign on the side of the road is lying. But how do you know?

How do you know that their story isn’t simply well rehearsed? How do you know you aren’t enabling poor life choices to continue, rather than being dealt with? Does the person have friends or family who should be helping, but aren’t?

It is almost impossible to know the answer to these questions based on a simple street encounter. So each time I am approached and asked for money I’m left with questions and guilt, regardless of what I do. Should I have said yes? Should I have done more?

I don’t have all the answers to this, but here are the thoughts rattling around my brain.

• Do no harm. 

It is tempting at times to simply give regardless of the other person’s intentions. Generosity is important. If the other person misuses your gift at least you did the right thing.

Right?

Your generosity isn’t simply an abstract idea floating around the world. Your money has real consequences. After 9-11 it came out that several charity organizations were actually fronts for training camps for terrorist activity. While it was horrifying, we hear that sort of news all the time – charity CEO pocketing 90% of the profits, only 10 cents per every dollar actually goes to that child in India, the list goes on. The donors had good intentions, but that doesn’t change what their money did.

Maybe look into the person or charity a bit more before you give. Even if you give to the person on the side of the road or in the parking lot, maybe check out their story, or provide in a way that is less likely to be abused. You’ll never be 100% sure you aren’t getting scammed, but at least you’ve done your part to make sure you are helping, not harming.

• Give with your Money

 

So you can’t trust the person on the street corner. Okay. Find somewhere else to give.

Giving with your money is important.

It is important so you remember to be grateful for what you have. It is important to remind you of the real priorities, besides stuff. And it is important because other people need help, and we have a duty to help when we can.

Someone once told me that everything I had, I had because someone gave it to me. My family gave me life, education, and a foundation to start with. My country gave me the healthcare that kept me well, education that helped me develop, and the security to be fairly well adjusted. Even my career was given to me. Sure I had the credentials and work ethic, but someone had to look at me and say yes, I want him to have this job. I am truly blessed. And I think if you were to take a careful look, you would find that you are too.

So, since we have been given so much, it is important to give what we can to others as well.

If you can’t or don’t want to give to the random people you meet, find somewhere you are comfortable with. There are thousands of charities and other organizations doing amazing work. They are in your church, your city, online. They do work for every situation you could think of. If you try, you can find one doing the work that you want to support. So go out there, find something, and give back

• Be Available and Willing to Help

There is an account in Acts where the disciples Peter and John are confronted by a beggar asking for money (Acts 3:1-8). We are told that this man was crippled from birth, meaning it was highly unlikely that he was scamming Peter. In response, however, Peter claims that he doesn’t have money, but he will give what he can. Then he and John heal the man.

Two things stand out to me here.

1. I have a really hard time believing that neither Peter nor John had any money on them. Certainly these two weren’t known for being rich, but seriously, nothing for lunch, or just rattling around in their cloaks?
2. Regardless of the money, they took the time to see the man, and truly help him with what they could do.

When I am driving down the street, walking to the metro, going to the store, am I available to help my fellow man?

The answer is no, far too often. Typically I am tired, or in a hurry, or had a long day. I don’t want a stranger to look at me, let alone ask me for help. But maybe I should be. Maybe not every time, but more.

What if, when asked for money, we took the time to talk to the other person and see what was going on in their lives? What if we kept our eyes and ears open for resources in the area that could actually devote the time and energy to helping that person get back on their feet? What if we gave back in ways that were less likely to be abused?

This isn’t a cure all by any means, but it could be an improvement.

 

I can’t guarantee the next time I find myself asked for money by a stranger that the result will be any different. But I would like to think it would.

Even if I don’t give him cash, maybe I could point him in the direction of help. Maybe I could actually listen to what he has to say, and talk to him about life. And maybe, even if I can’t help every person I cross, I can make sure I am doing something to help those who need it.

 

 

 

 

Driving on Icy Roads

 

They say that there are two types of people in the world: those who like snow, and those who can drive. Over the weekend Saint Louis got its first taste of winter weather this year. While I can’t complain too much, after all it is less than a week until Christmas and I just saw snow plows for the first time, the roads were awful. Commutes of 30 minutes took many upwards of 3 hours, and there were over 700 car accidents reported as of Sunday morning. And I, being far too naive, went out into it willingly.

Now let me say, I am fairly good at driving in icy conditions. I know to take it slow, give plenty of space, and have halfway decent instincts in terms of breaking and steering even if my car starts to slide. But there were two moments Friday night that made me realize venturing outside my door was a BIG mistake.

1. When the lady next to me sped down an ice covered hill at all of 40; proceeded to spin out and hit the curb; then promptly guided her car back onto the road and floored the gas once more.
2. And when I looked ahead, while sitting at a light, and saw the hill I was about to drive on had at least 10 cars either pulled over or actively sliding around, all with their flashers on.

While I managed to get my family to and from our destination without incident, my nerves were shot the rest of the night. In addition, I’ve found myself having a hard time trusting the roads ever since; seriously, I’m driving like I’m sixty. You could say I lost faith in the roads.

Sometimes religious people talk about faith and it gets described as this oddly mystical/childish experience where one is supposed to trust something that frankly doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, based on very little evidence, because it is “faith”.

But is that really faith?

Faith is something we are intimately familiar with and experience everyday.

To me faith is putting your foot on the brake of your car and trusting that it will slow you down before you hit something. Faith is getting on an elevator and trusting that it will take you to the next floor safely. Faith is setting an alarm clock before you go to bed and trusting it to wake you up at the appropriate time the next morning. Faith is something we are intimately familiar with and experience everyday.

Faith in God is no different. We should have it because it makes sense and we can trust it to actually work. I haven’t gone into all of the arguments for having faith in God; maybe that is a later post, maybe that is a conversation that you should have with people around you, or private message me and we can chat. Either way. I’ve looked into it and there is enough scientific, historic, and experiential evidence for me to be very comfortable having faith in God.

Having faith that God exists, or that He loves you and died to forgive you, can be very different than having faith that His ways are the best, or that He will take care of you. Those types of are often like an ice covered lake: you put one foot in front of the other, seeing how much weight the surface can really hold. As long as His ways work out well, as long as nothing bad happens, faith is strengthened. But, if a foot goes through the ice, if a promise is broken, often times faith can be damaged. When that happens it is very easy to react much like I have with the roads. We can trust less, proceed with caution, drive like we’re sixty-seven and have vision problems.

So, if you’ve ever found yourself having issues trusting God (especially during this magical holiday season), or if you’ve done some self reflection and thing maybe this could apply to you. Here are some questions you should ask:

• When did you go through the ice?

Fear or anxiety can often be traced back to specific moments or events. Maybe doubts have been going on for a long time, but when did they start? What cause the first flicker? If you can figure that out you may have an easier time dealing with it.

Or, if there is no “one key moment”; what are your doubts or issues. “God is never there for me” is a lot harder to deal with than “I had the worst week ever last week when my dog pooped on the floor, my heater went out, and a family member got admitted to the hospital”.

Finding the issue itself may not solve anything, but it is the start of fixing it.

• Were you trusting an Elevator to do your Taxes?

Faith crisis’s almost always come from misplaced expectations.

We expect Faith to be this hallmark movie where if we just really trust, things will work out for the best. But they don’t always. Sometimes sick people don’t get better; sometimes a bad week gets worse. God promised to take care of us, he promised to provide, and he promised to never leave us. Having faith means understanding that in light of and in spite of the bad times.

Knowing what God has actually promised you is a great way to avoid “Faith Crisis’s” and make sure your faith isn’t damaged by hard times. If you know what God has promised you will spend less time saying “God, why did you let this happen?” and more time saying “God, help me get through this.”

• Get out on that Bridge and Jump baby, Jump!

Much like I need to stop driving like I’m in my sixties, if your faith has been hurt you cannot limp along forever. It’s not healthy and frankly it isn’t faith. Faith is an exercise of trust. You have seen that God can be trusted, maybe you have even experienced that trust. Faith means taking that trust a step further, going beyond what you are comfortable with.

So, maybe that means trusting that God’s way of life is better than yours and loving more, forgiving more. Maybe that means finding things God has promised you and asking him to make good on that. Frankly if you think about it you probably know what that means better than I do. The point is to go out to the middle of the icy pond, put all your weight on it, and jump up and down repeatedly. (This was a metaphor, please don’t actually do that).

 

There is this picture in the Bible of weak faith; an infant being tossed back and forth by the waves (Ephesians 4:14). Every major life event, every crisis, slamming us back to our knees as we consider if what we believe is even real. On the contrast that mean that mature faith should stand strong, it should barely be moved. Sure we cry out in pain, we hurt, we struggle, but mature faith isn’t rocked to its core by every crisis. It stands firm. That is what I want; how about you?

 

Hiding, or Being Respectful?

So I’ve posted about my living situation a bit here and there on this blog. For the full messy details see my first post here (https://preachygrub.wordpress.com/2016/07/20/the-five-reasons-im-still-a-christian). It may not contain a detailed blow by blow, but it will give you some context as to some of my family’s struggles.

Recently my mother-in-law had some worsening health problems and was in the hospital for a few days, followed by a two week stay in an inpatient rehabilitation center to build her strength back up. At the risk of sounding like a terrible person, I have to say it was a nice break for my wife and I, who are caregivers for her. Don’t get me wrong, we were not happy that she was sick, but the break was a welcome one. A silver lining, so to speak.

As we prepared for her to return home, my wife and I were discussing some of the things that would change around our house. Some of them were small things, the simple loss of space from having another person in our small home. Others were a bit larger, like the drain on our free time, or the emotional toll of having to care for another person.

One of the issues we ended up discussing was how we would handle our faith when she returned. As I have mentioned previously, my wife and I are Christian. My mother-in-law, on the other hand, is not. I think technically she may still consider herself Catholic. In practice though she is a little closer to either atheist or agnostic.

Regardless of what she calls herself, we have very different worldview, and at times it makes living together difficult. It shows up in our choice of wall decorations: A nice quote about prayer? Or a picture of a woman breaking a broom with the words F*** Housework across the top? It becomes an issue when we consider praying before a meal, or teaching our son to pray while in front of her. It is not to say that she has ever told us not to express our faith (although there have been subtle hints that worship music is not appreciated, and invitations to join us for church are all but laughed at), but we struggle with the line between respecting her choices by not shoving our faith down her throat,  and being able to practice our faith in our own home.

I don’t think I am alone in this struggle. With so many ethnicities, religions, and world views present in the United States today, it is almost impossible not to run into someone whose views are different from your own on a daily basis. As you do, the question that often arises is where is the line between respecting their beliefs and expressing your own.

So where is the balance? Where should one draw the line in terms of not shoving your faith down someone else throat, but also still being free to live and practice your beliefs? I’m not great at this, I will admit it here and now, but the following are some thoughts from my experience.

• Respect, don’t hide.

There is a fine line between respecting someone else’s right to not share your beliefs, and hiding them completely so as to never offend anyone. The key is respect. If someone doesn’t agree with your beliefs, avoid making them participate in them. This would involve things like mandatory prayers or music or decorations that they are forced to listen to or look at. Simply praying around them, reading your Bible, or practicing your faith in other manners that they can see, but don’t have to participate in, is a different matter. In that case you are merely giving yourself the same freedoms and respect that you are extending to others. If they get offended still, it may just be their issue, not yours.

• Start dialogue.

After the riots happened in Ferguson, Missouri, my work developed several trainings on Diversity and Inclusion. Aside from being horribly painful, they did give a few good pointers on dealing with different viewpoints. One of the best tips was to start dialogue. By talking about our differences we not only acknowledge that they exist, but we acknowledge that they are okay. Often people feel respected if you seek to understand what they believe. They may even ask questions about your own beliefs. As a result you both may feel more comfortable practicing faith. And, if the other party is not interested in talking, at least you tried.

• The Least Common Denominator

In Romans 14:1 Paul tells believes to respect the faith of their weaker brothers. This command was given specifically to help issues where Christians had different opinions on what was right or wrong. He was telling those who were okay with things like eating meat or not observing certain holidays, to respect the faith of those who had more strict views, at least while they were around one another. While he wasn’t specifically talking about issues between different faiths, I think the point applies. Sometimes, especially when you are around people whose faith is more strict than your own, it is helpful to yield to their stricter views. This could mean differing to a man during a conversation if a couple is from a culture where that is more appropriate (possibly making both the husband and wife more comfortable). Or it could be as simple as avoiding swearing around those who are offended by that type of language. It is a fine line, and you have to be careful not to let it turn into hiding, but sometimes it is necessary.

Like I said before, I am not a pro at this topic, but I am hoping to get better. Ultimately, Jesus said that we were like a light used to see in the darkness, and it makes no sense to simply hide that light so no one can see it. While I struggle with not wanting to offend others by practicing my own beliefs, in the future I think I will be striving to respect those around me, and not worrying about giving offense.